References are the one part of the hiring process that candidates leave to chance: three names typed into a form, a hope that the people are reachable and remember you well, and no idea what they will be asked. A reference check prepared properly is a small amount of work that can decide a close call. This page covers how to choose references who will actually help, what to send them before the call, how reference checks are run and what is asked, what to do when a former manager cannot be used, and how to rehearse the question references are asked most, which is also the question you will be asked yourself.
Choose people who will say specific things
The best reference is someone who managed you recently, saw your work closely, liked you, and can talk: a former manager who will say 'she ran the migration and it landed on time' is worth more than a senior title who remembers you vaguely. Choose for recency, closeness to the work, enthusiasm and reliability on the phone, in that order. Ask permission every time, even if they agreed a year ago, and ask the real question: 'would you be comfortable giving me a strong reference for this role?' A hesitation is an answer. Avoid friends and family, and avoid anyone who would be surprised to be asked. If the employer asks for your current manager and you have not told them you are leaving, say so; it is a normal situation and most employers will accept a previous manager or a current peer instead, or will wait until an offer is agreed.
What to send them
- The role: a two-line description and a link to the posting, so they know what the employer cares about.
- The two or three things you would like them to mention, with a reminder of the evidence: 'the vendor consolidation project, the team you had me cover for, the audit'.
- The dates you worked together and your title, so they are not guessing on the phone.
- Who will call, roughly when, and how (phone, email form, a reference-checking service).
- A note that they should feel free to be honest, including about what you were working on; a reference with one development point in it is more credible than a flawless one.
- A thank-you afterwards, whatever the outcome, and an update when you know it.
The things you ask them to mention should match what you said in the interviews. If you answered what would your previous manager say about you with 'reliable and direct', the reference should hear those words from you before the employer hears them from the reference.
How reference checks are run
| Format | What happens | Typical questions |
|---|---|---|
| Phone call | Fifteen to thirty minutes with the hiring manager or HR | Dates and title, responsibilities, strengths, an area for development, how you handled pressure or conflict, would they rehire you |
| Email or online form | Structured questions, sometimes with ratings | The same questions in boxes; brief answers |
| Reference-checking service | A third party collects and summarises | Standardised questions; confirm your references will respond to an unfamiliar sender |
| Policy-only employer | HR confirms dates and title only | No opinion given; the employer may ask for a personal reference instead |
| Back-channel | The employer contacts someone you did not name | Common in small industries; assume anyone you worked with may be asked |
Reference checks usually happen after a verbal offer or at the final stage, often alongside the background check, and they can hold up the written offer if a reference is slow. Warn your references about timing.
When a manager cannot be used
If you left badly, were dismissed, or your former manager has moved on, say so to the employer before they call: 'my manager at X and I did not part well; I can offer the director I worked with on Y, and a peer'. The explanation you give should match your answer to why are you leaving your current job. Offer alternatives with weight: a skip-level, a client, a colleague from another team who saw your work. Employers understand that not every reference is available; what they do not accept is being surprised by a bad one. If a former employer only confirms dates by policy, tell the new employer that and offer a personal reference who worked there. The offer call where references are usually requested is covered in the job offer call: what to expect and what to ask.
Where CoPilot Interview fits
CoPilot Interview is an AI interview assistant whose free AI mock interview asks the question your references will be asked, what your previous manager would say about you, and scores your spoken answer out of ten with a transcript, so the words you choose and the words you brief your references with are the same. The free plan gives 15 minutes a day of live help in sessions of up to 15 minutes, with AI mock interviews included. The product is built for practice; if you ever consider live help in a real interview, follow your employer's rules.
Disclosure: CoPilot Interview is our product, so weigh what we say about it accordingly.
Frequently asked questions
Who should I use as a reference?
Recent managers who saw your work closely, liked you and will say specific things. Ask permission each time and ask whether they can give a strong reference.
What should I tell my references?
The role, the two or three things you would like them to mention with the evidence, the dates and your title, who will contact them and when, and that honesty is welcome.
What are references asked?
Dates and title, responsibilities, strengths, an area for development, how you handled pressure or conflict, and whether they would rehire you.
What if I cannot use my last manager?
Say so before the call, with a brief reason that matches what you said in interviews, and offer alternatives with weight: a skip-level, a client, a colleague.
Do employers contact people I did not name?
Sometimes, especially in small industries. Assume anyone you worked with may be asked, and leave jobs accordingly.
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